As I sit here at the end of March 2026 getting ready for my last few days of “service” or being “on the wards” of my Sub-specialty Fellowship Training, I am deep in reflection for the world of experiences I’ve been lucky enough to have over the last decade and particularly the last few years. Fellowship has certainly tested my grit for many reasons; so, for those out there at other levels of training, or even those that are done with training, contemplating the return to academia (as I foolishly did)… I have many thoughts, but, I’m living proof, it can be done.

It has been difficult personally to return to the rigor and the mentality of academia, it has been difficult to force myself to go through some of the less desirable parts of education (such as presentations on things I’m more forced to do than choose to do), and it has pushed my tolerance and stamina to complete my particular research focus / scholarly project required of a Pediatric Fellowship, considering I came back into this from a world of wanderlust and am highly disinterested by research (it’s not as sexy as you might think it is). It has been difficult to work almost 140 24-hour shifts at a busy hospital and return day after day with the looming reality of facing evaluations on subjective criteria that matter only to certain degrees in the real world, to not be compensated for the extra time I put in, and to be distracted from enterprise, entrepreneurship and business, when it was all I knew before.

But, it has taught me patience, resilience and modesty. It has taught me about limitations, strengths and everything in between. It has altered my view of medicine, of the world of pediatrics and the even smaller world of neonatology, shaping my interactions with families, and even more importantly, Humanity. It may seem trite, but after weeks and months of being back in training, dealing with some of the most emotionally and physically difficult situations you could imagine, including and certainly not limited by Death, I approach everyday a little bit differently. I am proud, I am honored, and I am so damn close to being a Neonatal Intensivist.

In 2012, two years after my Father passed away, I remember standing outside of a department store somewhere in California taking a phone call from a family friend that had also become the financial planner for my Father, my family and soon to be, myself. He cautioned me on the journey to become a doctor and asked with good intent very earnestly, “Trevor, going down this path will cost you hundreds of thousands of dollars. You’re basically going to take out a mortgage to do this. Are you sure I can’t talk you out of it?” Proud, uncertain, and stubborn, I said, “No, absolutely not.” And now, I sit here 14 years later, having become a full-fledged Pediatrician, having worked throughout the country in urban, rural, academic and private settings, with 100 days left of my Neonatal-Perinatal Fellowship, wondering what my conversation would be with myself now…

I’ve given up, or sacrificed, or lost, a lot of things in my life, in the pursuit of helping others, in the pursuit of becoming what my Jesuit High School teaching taught me of being a “man for others.” I’ve lost sight so many times of the end goal, and when I’ve gotten close to the end goal, I’ve slowly realized, it’s no longer the end goal, and I’ve been forced to recapitulate and contemplate what I’m going to do next. I jumped on the hamster wheel, just like so many of my colleagues, but freed myself from it and it’s financial shackles, much earlier than those around me, only 3 years post-residency graduation, free from my debt of $315,000. And now, as I see the sun slowly creeping over the horizon, 100 days away, I again am at a crossing and at a perplexity to decide, where will I go, what will I do, who will I be, and most importantly, what is the purpose of life outside of Medicine?

Every time I meet an undergraduate student that wants to become a Physician, I always ask, “Can i talk you out of it?” It isn’t an easy path or an easy life to travel on… Financially, it is one of the few fields that hasn’t been adjusted for inflation over the last 50 years… Emotionally, it will be mental exhaustion and social exhaustion and the gravity of vulnerability of taking care of the lives of other people, strangers, is a marathon… Physically, I have woken up at 4 AM more times than I can count, and worked over 200 24-30 hour shifts, losing (or sacrificing i suppose) effectively over a year of my life to wandering the hospital late at night… Romantically, I’ve made the decisions I’ve made, but they took me away from California, then farther away from potential stability as I ignored these kinds of connections many times to refocus all of my energy on my Profession, a word I need to remind myself of when I think I’m just waking up to work a job…

Yet, if the answer is No and if the answer is it that this innocent, driven, optimistic, younger human in front of me can never be talked out of doing it, it is absolutely worth it. I have often taken an unconventional path, much to the chagrin of my mentors, and as I face the open road again questioning which direction I’ll go when the signs point in all directions, I remind myself that it is absolutely worth it, and that it can be done.

As I count down my final 100 days of medical training, academics and fellowship sub-specialty focus, I am excited, anxious, worried and exhilarated by the brave new world in front of me, as I return to the adventure, or as some people refer to it, Life.

Image Credit: ChatGPT